Authorities Issue Zombie Advisory; Warn Of Heightened Levels Of Zombie Activity

Authorities have issued a zombie advisory, warning of heightened incidences of zombie activity. This comes on the heels of a startling discovery in the depths of Isermno's jungles. While on her morning hike, a local woman stumbled upon several mostly intact human bodies lying in the undergrowth.

The woman, identified as Mahabharata Schumer-Spitz, relates that the bodies were in a state of advanced decomposition. All of them exhibited what she claimed were bullet wounds from an automatic, "military-style" rifle. She had no information as to the identity of the persons discovered or how they got there.

Public safety superintendent Fidelissimo Greenspoon was available for comment. "Zombies—quite the nuisance, right? Every so often when you commit Uncle Pablito's remains to the earth, Pablito decides against staying dead. That's when ya gotta persuade him." Racking his shotgun, he adds, "In the only language zombies understand."

Anonymous sources relate that the bodies of the purported zombies belonged to members of Free Isermno Now (FIN), a domestic terrorist group. These sources also reveal that the bodies were found three hundred feet from a secret jungle military base. If this holds true, the FIN members may have intended a raid on the base.

"Nonsense," says Greenspoon, racking his shotgun again, for no apparent reason. "There is no secret military base. And they were zombies. It's not murder if they were already dead when you killed them."

In light of these developments, Isermno's ATLAS (Anomaly Terror Level Advisory System) reports a code red / severe risk of zombie incidents for the foreseeable future. Residents are advised to remain indoors with their windows, and not to film or even look in the direction of the zombies, especially when armed government cleanup agents are engaged in zombie removal duties.

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Raúl Arboleda de Céspedes is an investigative reporter for I.M.B.S. Raúl acquired his investigatory skills in his past life, wherein he served as a triple-agent for the CIA, KGB, and MI6 until he was caught and executed. His past life over, he reincarnated into the news reporter he is today.